I believe in God

I believe in God.

As I was pacing, letting my mind jump tracks as it pleases, I started to get a little angry and I automatically jumped into the Apostles Creed. One of the things which always jumps me away whatever I was thinking. In the middle of being distracted I got distracted and started thinking about that first line.

I believe in God.

Isn't that a wonderful first line? (Rhetorical question, of course it's wonderful, I mean like really). The perfect way to express a stance. I believe! I almost want to shout it out, but I'll settle for saying it in my manly man voice (in my head it sounds remarkably like Darth Vader, without the SCUBA effects).

I believe in God.

It is an interesting way to put it too. It isn't an expression of affirming the existence of God (although it has that element), for then it'd be 'I believe that God exists' instead. It isn't just an affirmation of knowledge that God exists either. To explain what I mean, think of your local Elvis fan, he may know the words to every Elvis song, know the date of every Elvis incident, while never having met Elvis. That fan might say 'I believe Elvis was (or 'is' depending on the level of Elvis fanaticism) the greatest!' or 'I believe that Elvis is still alive', but you'd never hear 'I believe in Elvis', that would sound ridiculous to Elvis fans. Consider an alternative though, that you were friends with Elvis and you loaned him your car. Your other friends ask if you were crazy, after all what would happen if the car was scratched, you love that car (and more importantly they do). At that point you might say 'I believe in Elvis', and it would sound perfectly natural. In the same way, the statement 'I believe in God' is an affirmation of Faith.

I believe in God.

My mind jumped again. This time to how well I'm acquainted with Faith, the Virtue (details at eleven, wait, 1814-1816 actually). I came to the conclusion (as always) that I'm a terrible Christian or, in the words of Marc Barnes, a Bad Catholic, especially with regards to faith. I'm not very good at believing in God. If I had such faith, I would no longer sin, I would not even consider it. If I had the heroic faith of the Saints, I would not be so confused every time I went to confession, certain that God was an idiot for not just allowing my continued existence but also forgiving me, when He knows I will just sin again. I still go to confession though, because even if my faith is not heroic, it's still there.

I believe in God.

To be honest, I was worse in the past. God is having a positive influence on me, though I'm slow and stubborn. There remains hope, there I keep watch, there I have faith.

There I believe in God.

A wonderful prayer, full of hope. Even if I'm immature and blind, those words have power. with them I make a stand.

I believe in God.

With that declaration I stand with hand outstretched, with His hand covering mine. I feel the wounds in my older brother's hands that saved me. With this declaration, I look into His face.

I believe in God.


God bless,
>P<
Joshua Fahey